Clash of the Titans 3D

Verdict: TWO STARS

The Gods have much to worry about in Clash of the Titans. Not only has the mighty Zeus (Liam Neeson) fathered a half-human son, Perseus (Sam Worthington) who appears to be Australian but his brother Hades (Ralph Fiennes) is not content with being lord of the underworld; he wants to be number one deity. What’s more, the humans Zeus created are getting fed up with his immortal brethren wafting around like Premiership footballers with beards, leaving them short of food and feeling a bit, well, human. Worst of all, they all have 3D to contend with, meaning their skies are darkened and when they get busy with fast-moving action scenes everything goes all blurry. 

This remake of the much loved 1981 original, replaces the stop-motion animation (basically puppets filmed one frame at a time), made famous by Ray Harryhausen, with CGI and the effect is not very exciting. The action has a weightless feel to it. As in The Incredible Hulk (also directed by Louis Letterier) its like watching Playstation characters, and the sequences are not directed with any real flair or pace. For a supposed epic, Clash also feels rather cheap; probably owing to its relatively low budget (if you can call $70 million that) dictating the use of computers over real sets and physical effects. The actual 3D, which was applied after the film was complete, does it no favours. Unlike say Avatar, it’s clear the picture was not designed for it; you can actually take your glasses off and see that certain scenes appear to have no extra-dimension at all.

The attempted jokes also die quickly, like petrified victims of the Medusa. All this is a shame because the Medusa bit isn’t bad, I enjoyed Zeus‘ beard and the 1980’s Krull look of Mount Olympus. But the pang of nostalgia was not enough dispel disappointment, nor the one good line delivery: “Release the Kraken!”

Clash of the Titans 3D **

Clash of the Titans 2D I would guess scrapes *** if we're being generous and a bit tipsy.

Here's a picture of the Kraken as the new version is about as scary as David Schwimmer