Wednesday, 2 June 2010

Sex and the City 2 review (*)

Ladies put down your Luella Classic Baby Gisele handbag: SATC2 is utter tripe.

Let's get some things straight, I have consulted with genuine females* and gay men before writing this and in my time I have watched and enjoyed the TV adventures of Carrie and co. I thought the first movie outing was abysmal: a pornographic celebration of label culture, a plainly stupid plot about two people who fail to sit down and discuss their wedding plans and a shameless cash-grab by the studio. Millions of dollars at the box office say I'm wrong. Or more accurately, it says there is a lack of movie-content aimed at women in the summer months and so the void is filled by crap. Surely a sequel could not be any worse?

This time Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker) is having marital problems as hubby ‘Big’ (Chris Noth) has taken to watching telly with his feet up, instead of whisking her away to swanky parties in Manhattan. He messes up big time when he buys her a flat-screen television for an anniversary present thinking they could cosy up and watch old movies together. You can see his point but fair enough, don't buy technology when something more romantic would be better. Carrie is gutted and less indicative of a 'relationship issue' we can all emote about than plain avarice she says: ‘How about some jewelry?

Meanwhile the other girls have issues in their lives that are: a) not given much screen time b) not allowed to involve partners c) subservient to the main sub-Benny Hill frolicks in the Middle East.

Miranda (Cynthia Nixon) is addicted to her office blackberry and is being sidelined at work.Charlotte is struggling so much with life. Woe is a super-wealthy New York mamma. Get this! The Irish nanny doesn’t wear a bra! Cue slow motion breast shots and worries about where Hubby is looking. Start the campaign; some sort of march for justice in Central park is surely in order. And Samantha is taking on the menopause with her normal gusto, popping vitamin pills like smarties.She's a successful women, who's funny and has never needed a man, still probably the most radical message SATC had to offer: it's hardly radical now of course.

She’s the one who whisks all of them away to Abu Dhabi (shot and looking like Morocco) on the trip which takes up most of the time. You could feel the love in the room for these characters but the story is flat and hashed together from C-grade episodes of the series. Carrie kisses someone unexpected.  It is a dumb plot device that makes no sense in her life. If they wanted to deal with marital ennui fair enough, they could have done it with a modicum of originality.

Now the business with local Muslim women in their Burkas is just lazy. Throwing condoms around in public is not particular funny in the Emirates. And to the scene where Muslim women rip off their Burkas to reveal designer clothes? I'm guessing they have more pressing issues to contend with.

The producers seem to be mixing up real women's rights concerns with the well known phenomenon of rich people in this region liking designer clothes. Again: dumb and lazy.

So, if you are looking for sex-stuff – nothing doing here apart from a quick Samantha-bonk, the clothes – nothing doing here, due to wardrobes being credit crunched (the original stylist has gone too).

At 146 minutes, it is mind-bogglingly long. It has raked in over £6 million at the UK box office in its first chart-topping weekend. If there is any karma in the world it will drop; when word gets out SATC is further past its sell-by date than Peter Waterman at the Eurovision.

*I haven't canvassed any chicks with dicks so cannot comment on whether they dig SATC2 and or not. Apologies.

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